Friday, May 25, 2012

My Boobs

I was just realizing this evening that at some point in the next couple of year my breasts will be my own again. I have been pregnant or nursing for over a decade now (that is 10 years people, 10!). And some day, some day Fiona will be done and since we have decided that we are done having children... well wow. I mean this is an organ that I got to see function. I mean, I know my heart is beating and I am guessing my liver is doing what needs to be done because I am alive and everything, but my breasts... well I really have no words. I fed 6 children from them. Isn't that just amazing? I not only was able to carry a baby (or 6) in my womb, but also nourish them. I make milk! I actually make food from my body, I am sorta like a plant!
What will my breast be like when this whole nursing business is done? I can't recall what they were like after Audrey and Logan were both weaned. Because over the last 10 (almost 11) years I have only had about a year where I wasn't breastfeeding someone, and that year isn't even in a row, it is broken up into a couple months here or there, usually at the tail end of pregnancy.
How strange it will be one day to wake up and go about my day and not stop once to breastfeed. I am not really sure how I feel about this. I mean I have time to get use to the idea, Fiona is only 16 months, if she is anything like the last three we have a good 2 years still to go, but still it will happen. One day, we will be done. One day, my breast will no longer make milk, I will no longer nourish a child from my breast.
I am sitting here trying to type out how I feel, but there are no words. It is all so bittersweet. I feel so blessed to have had such an easy time of it. It was truly natural for me, really with the exception of a couple of hiccups here and there I have successfully nourish 6 children, for a total of over 13 years. I know that it isn't always so easy for so many women, that is why I feel so blessed to have had such an amazing breastfeeding journey.
I wanted to add a picture of me nursing, but I have so few of them. That makes me sad. This huge part of my life and no one thought to document it. How many hours have I sat with one of my wee little wonders snuggled up in my lap (or snuggled up next to me in bed), how many gallons of milk have my breasts made? How many more days do I have left? Why aren't there 100's of these pictures? I don't think I do anything else this much (ok, except maybe laundry and sleep).
Still, I know I have tonight, and tomorrow, and days and months left. I guess I needed to remind myself, that this is all so fleeting. That I need to cherish theses moments where I am forced by my wee tiny Fiona Rose, to STOP, SIT, and make milk. To do this one important thing.
I make milk.

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